IWTBH: Do you have a sideways penis?

EYL: You can make it go either direction.

IWTBH: What has been your biggest influence?

EYL: My Asian family’s high expectations. An A- was not good enough. I had to get a haircut before I could see my grandparents. The family motto was “Don’t be stupid like the others”

IWTBH: Sounds like you had a Tiger mom!

EYL: Definitely. My mother is an amazing person. She was in a serious plane crash once. Statistically that means I am more likely to be struck by a meteor or be struck by lightning than be in a crash myself.

IWTBH: How would you describe your personal style?

EYL: Keep wearing the same clothes for as long as you don’t see the same people.

IWTBH: Nice. I am pretty sure you own more shoes than my wife does. Explain yourself.

EYL: I like Shoes! I have so many pairs. I just found a great store in the back of a bodega hidden by scaffolding that has new old stock Reeboks for $25 a pair. I bought two. I have blue sneakers, black sneakers, gold sneakers. I like to be prepared for every situation.

IWTBH: Whenever I see you we talk about watches. What are you wearing today?

EYL: This is an Omega Speedmaster I bought on eBay.

IWTBH: Nice. Does it come in mens?

EYL: I know, I know. you told me but I didn’t listen.  I am selling this one and upgrading to the larger professional version.

IWTBH: What are your favorite watch websites?

EYL: I like watchyouseek.com and timezone.com . I love going to the Omega store on 5th Ave.

IWTBH: Me too. I really want a PloProf! What is your dream watch?

EYL: The ultimate dive watch. A 1960’s Blancpain fifty fathoms with radiation symbol.

IWTBH: You just got back from a pretty amazing trip to scandinavia. What was the best thing about Helsinki?

EYL: The girl I stayed with had no door on the bathroom.

IWTBH: Worst thing about  Helsinki?

EYL: The girl I stayed with had no door on the bathroom. I had to take the tram into town everyday and use the Stockmann’s bathroom.

IWTBH: Favorite movie?

EYL: Top Gun

IWTBH: What? that is widely regarded as the gayest movie ever. Even gay people won’t watch that movie lest other gays think they are way too gay.

EYL: I was a kid when it came out. I used to watch it twice a day.

IWTBH: I bet you did. Favorite T.V. show?

EYL: Star Trek the Next Generation. Within 5 minutes I can immediately identify any episode and give a plot synopsis. Captain Picard is my hero.

IWTBH: Ok then. Councelor Troy or Dr Beverly Crusher?

EYL: Neither, there was an episode where Ashley Judd played an ensign…

IWTBH: All I can think of is how Wesley Crusher must have been in there all the time. A teenager with access to holographic women. Come on! They must have been swabbing the deck 5 times a day.

EYL: So true…

IWTBH: How many push ups can you do?

EYL: I have no idea. I normally get bored before I get tired. I got to 50 once but I could have kept going.

IWTBH: Have you ever shot a gun?

EYL: Yes, a 45 M 1911, a 9mm Russian Glock copy. My friend just got an AK 47 and an M16.

IWTBH: Have you ever kissed a girl?

EYL: A real one?

IWTBH: Favorite sexual position?

EYL: Hmm, Woman on top?

IWTBH: I’m gonna guess right hand, palm facing out, thumb down. James Bond or Jason Bourne?

EYL: James Bond Definitely.  Daniel Craig not Sean Connery.

IWTBH: Ooof, that’s sacrilege. Blood sport or Kick Boxer?

EYL: Blood Sport. My brother and I would stage matches in the living room. I was Chung Lee. “YOU ARE NEXT…”.

IWTBH: That’s awesome. Have you ever been in a real fight?

EYL: In high school a kid tried to get me to give him money. I ripped his Cross Colours sweatshirt and he punched me in the face.  I had to wear an eye patch for a year and they put a nylon plate with titanium screws in my head. No one here in  New York believed me so my neighbor who is an orthodontist took an X-ray for me.

IWTBH: Thats scary. First crush?

EVL: Penny on Inspector Gadget.

IWTBH: What would you still like to learn?

EYL: Competetive breast stroke?

IWTBH: They have contests for that? count me in. What is the most romantic thing you ever bought a girl?

EYL: I mailed a girl who was obsessed with “The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo” a box postmarked FIskar Gatan9 with a framed pressed flower inside.

IWTBH: That is romantic and super creepy. Did that get you sex?

EYL: Of course not. It was a nice box. I should have kept it.

IWTBH: Dumbest purchase you ever made?

EYL: I bought a Derbi 50cc motorcycle in the Bronx even though I had never ridden a bike before.

IWTBH: Tell me something I dont know about you?

EYL: I like to go to weekday matinees fold up all the armrests, lie down sideways and watch a movie.

IWTBH: Sounds like a good way to get bed bugs. Something else I don’t know?

EYL: I work a day every couple of months taking pictures for the Met. It gets me into all the museums for free.

IWTBH: Impressive. I do know that you will eat just about anything. What’s the weirdest thing you ever tasted?

EYL: A duck fetus. It’s called Balut.

IWTBH: Gross. Ever stalk a girl?

EYL: All the time. Facebook makes it easy.

IWTBH: Beer, wine or liquor?

EYL: Whiskey. With a big round spherical ice cube. It has to be spherical, it melts slower.

IWTBH: Let’s say you can have 33 million dollars but you have to make out with your sister for 15 minutes. Yes or no?

EYL: No way. Not for a billion dollars. Not for a trillion dollars. Not for all of North Korea.

IWTBH: Until the day I die I will never lose the vision of you on a beach in the Bahamas riding up on a horse with your shirt off. I have felt like less of a man ever since. Thanks Evan.