Robert Massman


Robert Parker Massman


Hometown: Boise, Id. Lives: Crown Heights, Brooklyn. Obsessed with: Cycling, free diving and saying “For reals”.

IWTBH: Parker, when we first met you had long hair, a beard and looked just like Jesus. You never said much and would stare a lot. It really freaked me out. Who do you look like now ?

RPM: People stop me on the street all the time because they think I look like their cousin. They show me pictures and everything.

IWTBH: And do you look like their cousin?

RPM: Yes.

IWTBH: How would you describe your personal style?

RPM: Functional, no logos

IWTBH: Favorite jeans?

RPM: Levis 511. Black. Been wearing them for years.

IWTBH: Got it. T-shirt?

RPM: American Apparel. Regular neck. 25 25 50.

IWTBH: Favorite movie?

RPM: Royal Tenenbaums.

IWTBH: Thats what Joe said. But you, I believe.

RPM: It’s the only movie I have ever hit play again as soon as it ended.

IWTBH: For me it was “Milfs do it Better”.

RPM: When I was a kid I loved Star Wars VI.

IWTBH: Ever jerk off to an Ewok?

RPM: No. Probably Princess Leia though. And definitely Cindy Crawford.

IWTBH: You and I are both obsessed with free diving. How long can you hold your breath?

RPM: In a pool I can swim underwater about 150 meters. In the ocean I can get as deep as 45′. I guess a minute…

IWTBH: I can’t get past 32′. My ears start killing me. Other than water sports, what do you like to watch?

RPM: I like watching Nadal play tennis. And I love cycling. The Giro D Italia is an amazing race. I also love F1.

IWTBH: What was your last great purchase?

RPM: An NRS pilot knife.

IWTBH: We love to talk bikes. What are you riding today?

RPM: It’s a commuter bike that I built myself. Mercier frame, moustache bars, Sturmey-Archer 3 speed hub, and Velo Orange front rack.

IWTBH: I love it. What’s your dream bike?

RPM: Felt AR1 road bike

IWTBH: I have 2 of those. Now I am obsessed with getting a Rivendell. I love the Atlantis. Best bike store in the city?

RPM: Bespoke Bicycles in Brooklyn.

IWTBH: What’s your favorite type of girl?

RPM: Hmmm, I don’t really have a type. Someone who is a good person, kind, polite, youthful, interested in the world.. .

IWTBH: Big boobs?

RPM: At least a handfull!

IWTBH: Seriously, though. Somehow you landed a hot Asian girlfriend. Does she have a pet name for you?

RPM: She calls me Mr Mao Mao.

IWTBH: My Mandarin is rusty but doesn’t that mean “one testicle”? What experiences have changed your life?

RPM: 3 times I have been shaken and forced to contemplate life. Once in an underwater competition when I had to remove my regulator at 35 feet and inflate a balloon. I forgot to put the reg back in and sucked in water. I almost drowned.

IWTBH: Boring.

The second time was when camping for a week in Great Teton National Park. I was amazed at how truly beautifully unspoiled nature could be.

IWTBH: Yawn.

The third and biggest life- changer was breaking my hip in a bicycle accident on Dec 5, 2007 . I had to put a lot of projects on hold and it’s only now, four years later, that I feel like I’m getting my life back on track.

IWTBH: That I remember. It was awful. We were all set to go to Morocco and you had to cancel. I also remember you showing two Russian models your X-rays and it totally turned them on. They asked for your number!!

RPM: I guess it was worth it.

IWTBH: Last music purchase?

RPM: School of Seven Bells.

IWTBH: Favorite shoe?

RPM: Adidas Zeitfrei.

IWTBH: Last question. You can have 18 million dollars but every time you have sex, your mother has to be in the room. Yes or no?

RPM: No. I’d have to spend all of that money flying her out from Boise.

IWTBH: Thanks, Parker.










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